Personal Poetry

Poems written from life experiences.

35

11:11

I should make a wish
My favorite number
Maybe it'll come true
Yeah, right, I know

© March 31, 2011


An Alien with AIDS

I don't understand why I'm treated this way
Like a diseased alien, or someone with AIDS
I'm just as normal as anyone else in this world
I have a heart, I have feelings, I have thoughts
I know what people mean when they do and say things
What I don't understand is why
Why they would judge me and treat me like an outcast
Like I'm a freaking alien with AIDS or something
Or why they treat me like I don't have feelings
Because when people do things, it does hurt
Though no one really stops and thinks about how
They've all shattered my self-confidence
Of course I realize I over-generalize
Of course I know not every person is this way
There are those out there that have never judged me
Who have treated me like a human like everyone else
Who have given me a chance to be their best friend
But after being rejected as a human so many times
It's hard not to just assume and expect the worse

© 2009


Always There, In Control

You've burrowed deep within
Just come out
We all know you want to be free
Stop trying to hide
You're not fooling me
Yes, come here
Give me a hug
No, a real one
Like you really mean it
Stop being bashful
Only one of us can be shy here
I'll be weak
And you be strong
Strong enough for the both of us
Maybe, you and I together
Can take this on
Even from hiding
You've managed to get me this far
Commandeering my life
Letting me believe I was in control
But it's always been you
We've fooled them all
But you'll never fool me
I know you're there
My little friend
So come out to play
Maybe, this time, stay

© January 28, 2013


Caps and Gowns

I don't understand why I'm treated this way
Like a diseased alien, or someone with AIDS
I'm just as normal as anyone else in this world
I have a heart, I have feelings, I have thoughts
I know what people mean when they do and say things
What I don't understand is why
Why they would judge me and treat me like an outcast
Like I'm a freaking alien with AIDS or something
Or why they treat me like I don't have feelings
Because when people do things, it does hurt
Though no one really stops and thinks about how
They've all shattered my self-confidence
Of course I realize I over-generalize
Of course I know not every person is this way
There are those out there that have never judged me
Who have treated me like a human like everyone else
Who have given me a chance to be their best friend
But after being rejected as a human so many times
It's hard not to just assume and expect the worse

© June 16, 2010


Childhood

For Rin, Aaron, and Connor

Sticks are swords
Bikes are horses
Snow is magic powder
Dirt is fairy dust
Water is a potion
Hand waves are spells
Paved roads are dirt paths
She is an archer
He is a warrior
I am a healer
We are saviors
Childhood is an era
The world is a universe
Imaginary is real

© May 27, 2013


Cleaning Distractions

Started cleaning my room today
Found a yellow face crayon
Drew all over myself with it
Both legs, my face, and arm
Now the stuff is everywhere
And I still wonder why
It takes a week to clean
One simple, small room

© July 8, 2010


College

It seems so scary
I'll be on my own
But I'll survive
In fact, I'll thrive

© July 2, 2010


Contradictions

Life is like a roller coaster
At least it's not boring
And yet I'm so bored with life

I hate to do things alone
But when invited out with friends
I make excuses why I can't

I hate being bossed around
But when it comes to leading
I prefer to be a follower

I'm so neat and organized
Sometimes, borderline OCD
But my room is a disaster

I don't want to die alone
But I'm terrified of guys
And I'd never switch sides

I'm a simple, quiet person
I can be so very complex
And sometimes quite annoying

I think I know who I am
But I'm so very lost in myself
And so full of contradictions

© February 27, 2012


Danger

I am a danger to myself,
Not in a physical sense,
But mental destruction
Is a concern of mine.

I don't sleep.
I don't hope.
I don't dream.
I am lonely.
I am insane.
I am angry.

I am a danger to myself,
Though I refuse to drink,
Refuse to smoke, to cut.
I refuse to take any drug.

I don't sleep.
I don't hope.
I don't dream.
I am lonely.
I am insane.
I am angry.

I am a danger to myself,
I like being alone at times.
I'll sit alone in my room
Rather than visit a friend.

I don't sleep.
I don't hope.
I don't dream.
I am lonely.
I am insane.
I am angry.

I am a danger to myself.
I can't sleep at night now.
I am exhausted all day,
But rest won't come to me.

I don't sleep.
I don't hope.
I don't dream.
I am lonely.
I am insane.
I am angry.

I am a danger to myself,
Not in a physical sense,
But mental destruction
Is a concern of mine.

I don't sleep.
I don't hope.
I don't dream.
I am lonely.
I am insane.
I am angry.

I can't sleep.
I can't hope.
I can't dream.
I'm unhappy.
I'm abnormal.
I'm depressed.

I hate this.
I love this.

I am this.

© 2009


Depression

For Rachael

There he is, that lonely little friend from within
We used to be so close; inseparable
I was his only friend, and he mine
My parents hated him, but he made me happy
Then I met her, my once-true best friend
She kept him away, made me feel real
She made me realize he was the problem
Time went by, and she proved to be fake
When she left me, he came back, took over
The truth was clear to me then
She was the only problem, a big lie
He was there for me when I was alone
I'll never doubt him again, I'll never leave
My friend from deep within is all I need

© April 12, 2010


Do I Dare?

How much deeper do I need to dig
Or, to relax, should I take a swig
Am I looking for a single answer
Or is this thing just like a cancer
With no solution to be found
Waiting to hit the cold, hard ground
How much longer do I have to wait
If it happens, will it be too late
How much do I value my own life
Enough not to end it with a knife
So many questions pass through my head
Maybe it would help if I were dead
Afraid to know, afraid to care
Make an answer! Do I dare?

© October 4, 2012


I Am

I am...
a friend,
a cousin,
a cat-owner,
a shovel,
a blonde,
a granddaughter,
a student,
a spazz,
a writer,
a daughter,
an anime-lover,
a third musketeer,
a reader,
a niece.

I want to be...
an illegal alien immigrant from Venus,
a moon rock,
a bug,
an actual shovel,
a vampire,
and everything else above.

I am me.

I want to be me.

© 2008


Last Day of School

Last day of high school
Senior year
Didn't get to attend
Knee surgery
Last time seeing friends
Screw life

© June 14, 2010


Life Long Ago

Many years ago, life was so great.
I had only a few friends,
But we were so happy.
People changed, others moved,
Once the changes were finished,
I had completely changed my group,
Not once, but twice -
Not counting the time I moved states.
How I miss those great times, long ago.

Many years ago, life was so great.
Elementary school, middle school,
It was so easy, simple, fun.
Now, as we grow, the work gets harder,
And stress levels rise.
Changing from school to school,
From elementary, to middle, to high,
It all is hard to adjust, but we do.
Oh, how I really miss the times long ago.

Many years ago, life was so great.
Before good friends changed, moved, left,
Things were going great.
Although I'm older, and stress has increased,
And life has gotten harder, and the temptations
Can seem too great, I have to be honest -
I am not upset with how my life is.
I love who I'm near, my friends mean
More to me than all the hard times.
Though some things I would like to change,
I never would, for those bad times made me
Into the person I am today,
And I have to say,
I'm quite okay with that.

© 2009


Living Alone

This is the strangest thing ever
I don't know how to explain it
The space is just too big
I don't know what to do
It doesn't feel real
I just don't know

© August 23, 2010


Monsieur Blanc

You're more than what you are
They say you're just one thing
That you have just one purpose
But you burrowed into our hearts
You meant the world to me
More than that best friend
Others don't understand
But you were something
That not even I can explain
And this feeling now
Hurts so much more
Than I ever thought
It could
I want you back
I'd do anything
I've never wanted something
So much in my life
I never thought I could miss
Anything to this extreme
You changed my life
And forever more
I'll cry over this loss
Because time won't help
If you're not by my side
I'm sorry I failed you
I promised I could help
Now we're both alone
Your heart of gold
Was too just big
But don't ever change
And don't forget me
I'll never forget you
Hold that toy close
Let it comfort you now
As it did before
When I was away
Now, I have to believe
That maybe someday
We'll meet once again

© may 27, 2013


Must I Leave

For Jess

In packing all my belongings in brown cardboard boxes
I've come to realize that I don't want to leave just yet
This building, this campus, this town are my home
I know the people, I know the places, I know the feeling
But the hardest thing to leave, by far, is my best friend
Must I really leave? Can't I just stay for a while longer?
With all the memories we've made and all the fun we've had
I'm nowhere near ready to give it up and go away
You do so much for me, I don't know how I'll survive
You'll stay here, and I'll move down there
Will our friendship last? Or will it fade away, like all others?

© December 10, 2012


My Life

For Ethan

My life is deteriorating, withering away
Only thinking of him from day to day
I'm slowly pushing myself from friends
They're watching as I follow trends
They try to help, but there's no hope
It's all in vain; I don't grab the rope
Instead I hold onto what's not mine
And in doing so I'm destroying my mind
This love is cutting me like a knife
It's breaking my heart, killing my life

© April 12, 2011


My Schedule Sucks

Class at eight in the morning
Lets out at nine-twenty
Next class at four!
Time? I've got plenty
Nothing to do right now
Finished my homework
I've never finished early!
I feel like I'll go berserk
I don't know what to do
On Thursdays and Tuesdays
I'm being so studious now!
It's worthy of a praise

© September 9, 2010


Paranoia

When you're walking down the street
Talking about someone behind their back
Do you look behind you constantly
Just to make sure they're not there?
When it's pitch-black at night
And you're in the kitchen getting a drink
Do you have to sprint past all the windows?
When you're in a classroom without a teacher
And you want to do something not allowed
Do you have to check the hallway eleven times?
Sure, it's better to be safe than sorry
But, paranoia will destroy ya.

© June 5, 2010


The Price of Writing

My depression—
Is it self-inflicted?
Without, life is boring
Writing comes with emotion
Strong, deep, powerful
Love, hate, happiness
And depression
Love is hard to find
Hate can be harder
Happiness worthy of writing
Is hardest to find
But depression, pain
Do I bring it on myself?
Wallowing in self-pity
My writing prospers from it
But is it healthy?

© April 2, 2013


A Procrastinated Life

Today? For me, boring.
Just like any other day.
Perhaps I need a life.
A more social one.
I'll get one. Tomorrow.

© June 5, 2010


Regret

There are so many things I want to say
But I'm just holding back, biting my tongue
There are so many things I want to do
But I'm waiting for the "right moment"
And when I'm on my deathbed,
All those things will swarm around my head
And drown me in regret

© June 11, 2010


Questions

How do you know if you are in love?
How do you know if he is the one?
Why is hating someone so clear?
Why do we know who enemies are?
When will the answers become known?
When will this confusion be cleared?
Who are we meant to be with?
Who determines this, or do we?
What is the meaning of love?
What does this have to do with life?

© March 30, 2011


Repetition

All gone, all lost
Do I care at all?
Tears, flowing over
Tainting my heart
Nothing to do
Out of my control
Feel empty, lost
Feel okay, numb
Start again, move on
Do it all over again
Semi-repair my heart
Only to shatter it
Repetition, with no learning
Insanity, in my mind
Insanity, in its prime

© October 16, 2012


She Died

My best friend died
My heart broke in two
I am so lonely now
So bored without her
Maybe we can save her
Bring her back to life
It'll be a while, too long
Each passing minute
It seems like a lifetime
I need my laptop back
My absolute best friend

© July 14, 2010


She's Back!

She is back, she's alive
I've my best friend back
And boy, I've missed her
And how I've needed her
More than I'll ever know
But I have my laptop back
She is back, she is alive

© August 1, 2010


Sleep, Sleep

Sleep, sleep
Can I get any more?
Sleep, sleep
I feel like a bore
Sleep, sleep
Hope I don't snore
Sleep, sleep
My mind feels sore
Sleep, sleep
Don't hit the floor
Sleep, sleep
Can I keep score?
Sleep, sleep
I'm like your whore

© July 30, 2011


Summer Vacation

Summer vacation:
It feels so great!
Doing nothing...
What's the date?
Staying up all night,
Sleeping all day.
This is the life!
I'll show ya the way.
Got no worries,
Not a care.
Make me work,
It's a dare!
I may get bored,
But please don't end!
Summer vacation:
You're my best friend.

© July 4, 2010


Take This Leap

Another tear drops from my eye
But you're there to wipe it away
For as long as I can remember
You've always been there for me
When life is shaky and unstable
You're the one thing I can count on
They say you're like darkness
Bringing me down for your pleasure
Really, you're the one for me
I shouldn't fight it anymore
You and I were meant to be
Always and forever, united as one
You've gotten me this far in life
Let's get through the rest
Hand in hand, let's take this leap

© January 28, 2013


Them Two

For Lazar and Hanna

No more energy
To deal with anything
No sleep, no rest
Emotional, physical
Too much going on
Dig deeper, if only
Is an answer buried?
Maybe rest, solitude
Dig for blood, answers
Don't stop now,
So very close!
Is he a solution?
The problem? A savior?
Way too involved
Is she important?
Does she mean
Anything at all to me?

© October 4, 2012


This Thing

This thing I was born with
Has made my life hell
Even when we think it's gone
It still finds way to ruin me
I think I might shoot myself
If this isn't the last time

© June 15, 2010


What Happened

What happened?
I was happy
I was fine
Then overnight
Everything changed
With my twenty-first
Nearing so quickly
What brings me down?
Can't shake this
Feeling of sadness
It's taken over
And I don't
Can't possibly
Understand why

© September 19, 2013


Where Are You?

Really, where did I put you, my
Absolute best friend? Just
Zap yourself right here next to me,
Or else I may lose my mind...
Reality is too strong for me

© February 18, 2013


Will I?

I was born different than the rest of you
I wasn't completely developed, and because of this
I've had too many surgeries to count
Even though this problem was "corrected"
The damn thing manages to keep ruining my life
If this damn thing doesn't stop and leave me alone
I think I might just go insane and shoot myself
I can't take the pain anymore, those feelings
It's just too much, and I'm so sick of it
Will it ever go away? Will I ever be normal?

© June 15, 2010